A lot of change

^Some girls in my lifegroup (this is a smaller group branched from our project group!)

I have been going through a lot while I have been here at LT. However, one of the things that first has come up with me and God is what I want to do with my life. I have always thought that I wanted to teach little kids for the rest of my life. I STILL have a passion for that, but the desires of my heart are changing. For the past 6 months I have been thinking about going into woman's ministry. I have a huge heart for women that are hurting and are in pain. I can see women covering up that hurt and pain with things that don't fill it. I have felt this hurt when I was going through my abuse and I feel like I can help this for other women. 

One of the talks that John Drage gave was about management and planning for the future. I learned a lot through this talk and through it I thought that I should start planning for being in women's ministry. I am still unsure if this is exactly where God is calling me, however I have had an amazing time trying to grow with women and connect with them. One of the things that I learned through that talk was to form mini goals to my future goal. So, two of the goals that I want to work on now is

1. I want to become a more disciplined disciple. Meaning I want to be more consistent in my quiet times and listening to God. 
2. If I want to be in women's ministry I want to connect with women that I don't think that I can connect with. 

During one of my quiet times I was really reflecting on this talk and I realized that in my project group I have a huge opportunity to try and connect with the women in my group! I realized that some of the women I felt like I couldn't connect with. So, I made a list of the women in  my group. Then I numbered them on who I felt more disconnected with. Since then, I have met with 4 women out of my list of 10 and it has been AMAZING! God has truly blessed each conversation for His glory. Each conversation has gone so different. For example, my first conversation with a girl named Benni was really about undrstanding who she is and where she came from. My second conversation was with a girl named Macklin and it was really amazing how God spoke through her and I as we talked. It seemed like we could really inspire each other in our relationship with God. In my second conversation, it was with Jessica and I heard her testimony for the first time. Throughout the whole story I would tear up and just imagine how much she had to go through. But it was SO amazing how Christ had been chasing after for all those years. We could have talked forever and I feel like I made a really great friend! Then the fourth person I talked to was from BG and she and I really got a chance to have "girl talk". It was fun talking and listening to all of these girls. I loved connecting with each one and learning about them and what I can do for them through the project group. Just seeing God really use my gift of encouragement and being intentional with each woman has really made me see, maybe this is something that I could possible do for the future. 


This is obviously something that I am learning spiritually. Something that I am learning emotionally is the fact that because I was abused by two men, I have a hard time to reach out to them. I work with all these men, and a HUGE blessing has happened in the work place: I have been promoted! This means that I am actually telling what these men (who I am somewhat afraid of) to do. This is a little hard, and sometimes I don't get the respect I want. But man, God did an awesome job at helping me get through it. I am learning a lot about putting my own feelings aside to really get to know these men and help them get to know me. It's been a pretty cool experience but it is definitely hard. I am also still grieving over Hilary. About a week and a half ago, Bryan Wiles from Bowling Green spoke about death and I just bawled my eyes out. I couldn't stop crying and after he was finished speaking he said if you were touched by this talk or need to talk to anyone or have someone pray over you, to go to the sides. He also said that this would be an awesome time to be humbled. I thought, for sure I won't go because I am a leader and I don't need that. But I couldn't even sing because of all my tears! So, despite what I was thinking, I went to the side for someone to just pray for Hilary. It was amazing what he prayed for. He asked my heavenly father to give me comfort and peace. This is something that I have never heard or thought about. So, I have been really praying for God to just give me His comfort and peace. And He has totally been faithful in that. I am still grieving, but God is helping me through it. 


Something physically He is pushing me through is hiking. I never knew how much hiking took all of your mind, heart, and any strength that you have. This past Tuesday I went on a hike. It wasn't just any hike it was really awesome. We left around 5ish in the morning, started the hike at 6 am and then didn't get back until 6 pm. 12 HOURS! It was around 15-17 miles (this is my estimate, although it felt like 100 miles). And then we went to five different peaks: Flat Top, Hallets, Oatis, Shark Tooth, and Taylor. By far, Taylor was my favorite with an amazing view! We got to see cute little Marmots (pictured on the side) and even some prairie dogs! It was really cool, however something that I have been learning is if I am tired, it is okay to go 
my pace and admit that I need a break. I think this is something that I need to relate to my life right now. I am exhausted and need rest. However, there is SO much to do. I want to have my quiet times, run, talk to my family and friends that are here and at home. It is so tiring. But I do need to take a "Sabbath" if you will. I need a rest, to recoup and concentrate on God. 

Some fun things that are happening are: last week we played in a volleyball tournament! We got to play against awesome players and dress up in 70's style! I was on a team of 7 funky cool cats (who are pictured on the side) and we ended up coming in third out of 16 teams! I think we played pretty darn good! My mom is going to be here in a week and half and I am so STOKED! I can't wait to show her everything that is here and show her what an amazing community is here! 


God is doing amazing things here at LT. I am so shocked  
everyday that I get to wake up to these amazing mountains and be able to work here. I am so blessed for the people in my life that are at home and that are here now. Thank you so much for supporting me so far, this has been such an amazing journey! We are on week 5 and have 5 more weeks to go. This is crazy for me, and part of me I can't imagine how I can leave this place. But God has so many amazing things for me in Bowling Green when I get back that I just can't wait! 


If you ever want to check out any of the talks that are  going on here in LT Colorado, go to this link! http://coloradolt.tumblr.com/

Some awesome worship songs that have been really getting to me are: With Everything by Hillsong and The Climb (Nothing I Hold On To) by William Matthews

You are all I want

(On top of a rock in Merana Park)

I am not skilled to understand
 What God has willed, what God has planned

I only know at His right hand

Stands one who is my Savior

I take Him at His word and deed

Christ died to save me; this I read

And in my heart I find a need

Of Him to be my savior

**Lyrics from the song, My Savior, My God by Aaron Shurst

This week, this song has stuck out to me. I have no idea what God is planning in my life and instead of leaning on my own understanding, I am leaning on Him and Him only. He is the one that has given us the most amazing love. 

Sacrificial love. 

He gave up His life for all of our sins. ALL. OF. MY. SINS. Sometimes I forget this. That when He went up on that cross he didn't just die for Israel's sins, or the people that had put him up on that cross, but he died for my sins today, tomorrow and every sin that is in the future. So, when our director of Leadership Training, John Drege went up on stage Thursday (May 31st) it was to my surprise what I was going to realize after he talked. His talk was about pride and I realized I am so prideful. I am prideful in myself and in my relationship with Christ. I never realized that I was so prideful, but I am so glad that I know now so I can be more like Christ and let go being prideful. 

Having a full time position and working as a project group leader is really difficult. (On the left is my project group!) It's hard for me to find time for everything that I want to do. However, one by one I am accomplishing things I never thought were possible. I have planned two Project Groups and all I believe have been a success. I visited my family and even though I would have been able to stay longer and be with my sister more it was fun. I have been hiking like CRAZY! Last week we did 3 different peaks, Emerald Mountain, Bible Point and Eagle Cliff. I went with four other people and it was probably one of the hardest things I have done here. Eagle Cliff was so steep, but every person that went was a key role to getting to the top! We even saw an Eagle at the top of Eagle Cliff. Just yesterday we hiked our highest elevation yet, 11,006 feet! We hiked to the top of Estes Cone. It was probably one of the best views yet! I have noticed with hiking that there are times that I need to stop, however for some reason I am so scared of stopping. Like when I stop it's going to make me seem weak. However, I am learning that it is okay to stop now and then to catch your breath. I think this can also relate back to life. It's okay if you need to cry a little bit every now and then. It's HEALTHY and completely understandable! 

 

This is the group that came on the 3 peaks! Ben, Clinton, Josie, me and Dale

I have been reading this book called So Long Insecurity: You've Been a Bad Friend to Us by Beth Moore. First, if you haven't heard of Beth Moore, watch this: Beth Moore-Hairbrush I definitely look up to her as being a woman of God and someone to admire to be like. I am learning a lot about my own insecurities and how I need to depend on God so that he can clothe me in strength and dignity.

As an LT group, we have been doing a book study called Walking as Jesus Walked. So far it has been really interesting and it has been really motivating to be MORE like Jesus. I think that this is really my goal for the summer. Yes, I want to be more consistent in my reading, memorize verses, and have more listening time but all in all I want to be like Him. 

I have also been trying to work on my evangelizing. About two weeks or so ago, I was eating dinner with my friends and right after we were supposed to go to prayer. I had a funny feeling like God was telling me not to go to prayer but I didn't know or understand why he was saying that. But then this man, who is about the same age as me sits down at our table. We started to talk to him, but one by one the other girls left the table to go to prayer. Pretty soon it was just him and I. We had an awesome discussion about his church upbringing. All of a sudden, I felt Gods presence in me and I told him that it sounded to me that he was insecure of his faith because he had so many questions. He thought that if he would ask some of his questions that people would look down upon him. I told him how much my church community means to me and that if he was in a good community, that he would be able to have his questions answered and people would praise him for his questions. So, I invited him to LT services (which are every Tuesday and Thursday nights). I told him to meet in my lobby before and we can go together, so I waited but he never showed up. I was used to this happening from other people that I have invitied to church and them just not taking the final step to actually go. So, I went on my normal night and went. After the service, I turned around and there he was. He came by himself! I have been talking to him ever since, and so far he has made it to all of the LT services. My next goal is to have him sign up with a project group or even get discipled by one of my close guy friends. But this was just so encouraging to me because it really showed me that God works in us at all times. He is just SO amazing. 

If you're interested in listiening to or hearing an LT service, just go to this link: LT Sevices I encourage you to listen to the one on pride from Thursday, May 31st! 

All in all, I am staying very busy. I am planning to do laundry today and give blood! I am working night shifts this week so I will be working from 4:30 pm to 1 am. They make me extremely tired, but it gives me lots and lots of time to read and learn more about Jesus! 

All I want to do is live for Him and do His will. Whatever that looks like, that's what I want to do.